self-esteem

i don't know how i feel about myself. it goes up and down, and i usually try not to think about it. tonight is a bad night, and i feel so ugly. i believe that appearance shouldn't be the only thing people should care about it, but life is easier when you're good looking. i feel incredibly ugly. not even ugly, but i don't think i look right, i think i look strange. i have big eyes and a big nose, but my eyebrows are normal sized and so are my lips. it makes me look like a bug. i'm incredibly pale with dark hair. my eyebrows aren't symmetrical, and one of my eyes is droopier than the other. my face is oval and i look like a human potato. i want to be pretty. i want to be a pretty girl. i want people to admire my face and not, not look at me. i want people to be taken aback by how pretty i look. i don't think that will ever happen.
low self-esteem is dangerous, and it's a breeding ground for feeling shitty about yourself in millions of ways. but it's also a bizarre comfort. if i believed i was so beautiful, and was confident, what would happen if someone told me i was ugly? was i kidding myself? i can't see myself the way others do, so there's no reason i shouldn't be ugly. when you have low self-esteem about the way you look, it's a safe place. you know there's nowhere lower to go. you're already there! i hope i get pretty someday.